Nikina70's Journal, 30 Dec 20

I am recording this in my journal for my own sake - don't mean to bum anyone out, which is why I didn't post it last week. This post is not diet related - my recent weight loss was just through circumstance, not through any workouts or calorie counting and I expect it will got back up again soon.

Christmas did not come this year for me and my family. It started with my Mom not feeling well on the 10th of December. She gradually got worse and by the 17th I had called an ambulance to collect her and she went to the local hospital. She was so weak, had lost her appetite and had a high fever, headache, vomiting and diarrhea. On the 18th they confirmed it was Covid-19.

We all had mild symptoms, my sister, hubby and I. Hubby and I first had symptoms on the 14th, which was the last time I did a workout. I still felt exhausted the next day with body aches and fever so I mostly slept those first few days. He had a runny nose and my sister had some body aches the week before.

On the morning of the 23rd of December we got a call at 2am to say that my Mom didn't make it. It's now a week later and it still doesn't seem real. We weren't allowed to see her in hospital and she was on oxygen. We spoke to her on the phone for the last time on Friday, the 18th, and she sounded poorly, but it was good to hear her voice. We thought she'd beat this thing and come home, but she had kinda warned us and it's as if she had accepted it already.

We didn't put up the Christmas tree or make the lunch we had planned to have with her. I did laundry on Christmas Day - it was a day like any other, only extremely depressing and I finally got some emotion out when someone in the neighbourhood played 'Christmas without You' by Dollie Parton. Turns out it's a love song, but the chorus line just set me off bawling and it was good to get it out.

My Mom was 72 and had diabetes and high blood pressure and took a whole bunch of chronic medication. She was overweight and unfit. I feel very sorry that we weren't able to protect her from this horrible virus. We think we got it through the restaurant my sister manages. About 4 other members of staff have tested positive since and one woman's husband passed away as well. My sister and I tried to get tested, but they said they're in short supply at the local clinic so were only testing people over 45 with worse symptoms so we have just been self-isolating for 14 days, which would have ended on the 28th. I still feel too weak to start working out again, but I'm hoping by next week I can start small again.

It's a week later and we're trying to organise a funeral service, which would have to be at the crematorium because South Africa's been put in Level 3 Lockdown again and none of the churches are willing to have it inside. Apparently home affairs, the morgues and burial services are all backed up so everything is taking longer. We'll also only be allowed half an hour for the service, which just seems so short, but we think we'll try to have more of a proper memorial service for her once restrictions are lifted further in the next few months.

So 2020 has ended off being a really crappy year for me. First losing my beloved little dog in September and then my Mother in December just a few days before Christmas. A silver lining is that we are here to support my sister, who was the closest to my Mom. People have also pointed out that us living here with them since September was a blessing - to spend time with her every day - and that is some comfort.

Hug your loved ones if you can and stay safe. I wouldn't wish this on anyone and supposedly the new strain in South Africa is faster spreading and we are in the thick of it. Be safe everyone!