CocaLola's Journal

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22 January 2020

MORNING MY FELLOW LOSERS!!! *tongue in cheek*

Well, I am not feeling better. Forgot that it is "that" time of the year again, tick fever "backlash".

Just to give everybody that follows me a better idea of how a normal day in my life looks like and you will understand my stress levels.

I own a Cake decorating school, a cake decorating shop & I and make cake decor for my shop. My working days can range from 12 to 16 hours a day. Off days are few and far. The shop is only 2 years old, so I really have to keep my finger on the pulse. And I do all of this without reliable assistance. My phone blows up daily from sun up until sun down. Then I have to manage Whatsapp & Facebook too. That is what I was talking about that people around me don't give a shit about me; referring to students & clients. Sometimes family members & friends are included, but it easier to tell them to back off than telling a client or student to stay in their lane. Sure you get what I am saying. It is frustrating to have to constantly keep my cool. Had staff drama, on top of everything else, yesterday and that alone just pushed me over the edge!!!

So my life is pretty hectic! I have so much to do on a daily basis, I cannot afford to not feel up to it. So even if I feel like shit, I have to work anyway.

I KNOW I have to learn to manage my stress levels. The one huge change I made this year, I dont do cakes anymore. I just dont have the time for everything.

I dont like change at all. I dont adapt to change very well.

Changing my entire lifestyle this year has created a little stress (not that I need more), but I think after 3 weeks, it's now routine.

Even though I did fall off the wagon mentally yesterday, I am super proud to report I DID NOT FALL OFF THE DIET WAGON!!!! whooooo-hooooooo! Still going strong.

There are going to be tough days and THANK YOU SO MUCH for everybody who has supported and encouraged me during these 3 weeks. YOU MAKE A HUGE DIFFERENCE IN MY WORLD.

I work with people all day every day and its all about them. It is such a great feeling to come on FS everyday and its about me! Here I focus on ME!

Back to my rat race!

PS. See these cuties I made for a client.

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22 January 2020

700G to double digits!!!!!!!

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
100.6 kg	3.4 kg	21.6 kg	Reasonably Well

(2 comments) Losing 2.1 kg a Week

21 January 2020

Having such a crappy day today. ☹️

Just feel bluh!!

Even though I have a stomach bug, I still feel like just eating some junk food today. So instead of eating my emotions & frustrations away, I am going to talk about it. I wanted to say sorry for the vent, but I am not going to apologize for being human.

My cup is empty! Every day people around me suck the life out of me. I give so much of myself to others, that there is nothing left of me at this point in time. I am just mentally drained. I want to throw my tablet in a very deep river at this point in time. I want to delete every social media platform I am on. I just want to be left alone FOR ONE DAY! Just one day that nobody wants something from me. I know I am extra irritated today, because I am not feeling well, but even telling people that I am feeling like shit, doesnt stop them from sucking my grey matter from my brain. I feel I always have to think for everybody. You should just call me Alexa from now on. Alexa Siri Google!

The people I PAY to make my life a little easier, does very little to do so. I have to think for them too. I am just sick and tired of people constantly wanting a piece of me. And God forbid you dont react to requests immediately, YOU WILL HEAR ABOUT IT! There are no boundaries and if you set boundaries, you are a bitch? Honestly, I just feel down right alone with all the responsibility of everything and everybody on my shoulders.

Tired of stupid questions with logical answers, but it is too much effort to think for yourself!

I am angry that my boundaries are not being respected!!!!
I am sad that it makes me feel that my feelings dont matter.

I am angry that I am being used!!!!
I am sad that there is no love lost between us.

I am angry that I have to raise an adult!!!!
I am sad that it has left me feeling very alone in the world.

I am angry that you do not respect my space!!!!
I am sad that my needs do not matter to you.

I am angry that you are irresponsible & leave me with your messes to clean!!!!
I am sad that I dont have a soft place to fall.

Always remember that sadness is masked by anger. (Just something I learned in life coaching)

ALL I wanted today was to have a quiet day off to myself.
ALL I wanted today was understanding that I am not feeling well and for ONCE not fuck everything up, because you cannot seem to use your grey matter and you prefer to use mine. Are you saving yours for old age????

THIS will not be the cause that I binge eat today.
THIS will not be the cause I cheat today.
THIS will not be the reason I say "fuck it"

Nobody else seems to give a shit; I owe it to myself to!

(27 comments)

20 January 2020

So I jumped the gun! Gaan haal ek die grootste bobbejaan agter die grootste berg!

I have changed my weigh in day to Monday morning, instead of Sunday morning, as Saturday evening is my treat night.

ELATED!

1.3 TO GO FOR DOUBLE DIGITS!

Should be double digits after this week.

EXCITED!!

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
101.2 kg	2.8 kg	22.2 kg	Reasonably Well

(8 comments) Losing 5.6 kg a Week

19 January 2020

THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!

Malaya-Jane

(1 comment)

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