MacBook!'s Journal, 26 May 20

I think you should do what makes YOU happy. Don’t change yourself and put stress on yourself just to make other people happy. As long as you’re healthy, you are the only one that decide what your body should look like, and if you’re fine with how look, stay that way x 

I think that if you have a history of disordered eating then you should care for your mind first. If you are concerned about anything, I would suggest you speak to a psychologist who specialises in mental health around food and get support. Nothing to be ashamed of to say you need the guidance of a professional. That is what they are there for. Don't sit alone and confused with your thoughts. Stay safe and care for your mind first. I have a huge history of disordered eating and depression that runs through my family, and this would be the exact same advice I give to them when they are struggling ♥️ 

Thank you so much guys ❤️ 

While I know you should always focus on a healthy mind first. I suggest getting a scale maybe as it helped me get motivation to lose weight because I had that sense of measurement. Personally I suggest keeping it in a cupboard and weighing yourself only once a week and recording a median weight. Never felt fat in my life and frankly had to many supportive people around me. Once I bought a scale I realized a change was needed.  

Shereen said it. I too have a disorder and it's been a long and difficult journey, but thanks to therapists I've not been left to my own devices. It takes a while to be able to admit you have a problem with food, eating habits and the image that you have of yourself in your mind. The short version is this: healthy body = sound mind. Sometimes our bodies reflect the state of our minds far more accurately than our words or attitudes. 

I was never bothered by my weight all my life. People would say I have gained weight and it never bothered me at all. I moved from size 12 to size 14, still I was not bothered because I am 1.75m... The last time I stepped on a scale was in 2011 and I was in perfect weight. The change for me came when I bought a bathroom scale for the first time in my life, I was shocked at what I saw... I was not just overweight, I was obese (according to my BMI). For the first time in my life I started eating clean, I lost 8kg in 2 months and I had never felt better. Just check your BMI and see what it says then maybe you can take it from there.  

When a Fat Secret Friend mentions "fat" and "anorexia" in one paragraph, regardless of the context, we - as the support group - should not brush it off especially since we don't know each others full story. Some of us are here to lose weight, others need to gain weight and some people have got eating disorders that aren't just lifestyle or habit issues. If we hear someone say something that triggers a personal memory or experience and feels like it may be more serious than just needing to whip out a scale, then it is our responsibility to say something because we genuinely care for our community! No judgements just support. Be safe. ❤️  

As the other comments, take care of your mental health first. And getting a psychologist to help with that is the responsible way to do it- it’s totally normal to see a doctor when you are physically sick, and it should be the same when you are taking mental strain and need some support. In my experience, you can’t make any lasting changes enhancing your health and happiness without making them because YOU want to, not because of what everyone else or society tells you. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve unsuccessfully tried to lose weight over the years despite knowing all the health benefits (I’ve been overweight since high school and then obese after my first child), but after a major wake-up scare end of last year I decided I wanted to lose the weight for me, and got help from the psychologist who previously saw me through my postnatal depression. And that’s made all the difference this time. It’s like safety when flying (back when we could!); put your own mask on first so that you can help others. Take care of yourself first. All the best, and know you‘ve got a community rooting for you! 

The scale does not lie. If you are gaining weight according to your scale then you need to approach your doctor about other issue you may have. Dont be shamed in doing this as Doctors are used to dealing with all types of queries.  

You know what, dont care about what others think! If you like the way you look then thats ALL THAT MATTERS ! Dont let other people bring you down or get into your head. That is NOT good for you mentally. My mother did/does the exact same thing to me. Im 18 now and from a young age she crushed my self esteem. I have always been so shy and insecure about everything because of her and now that im in university without knowing anyone, i still dont have the ability to make friends. i am miserable. She wont only talk trash about me to just me, she will insult my weight in front of the family and her friends. Be strong. 

Thank you so much guys for the support l, suggestions and kind comments. Reading them just made me realize that I should see a doctor about my mental health especially now that I know my anxiety triggers either over eating or not eating at all thanks guys once again I really appreciate it💜 Hey Keilly ❤️ You are beautiful and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise (I know I’m the last one to say this) but university should be a fresh start for you and you should make memories, make friends, try appreciating yourself more and think of all positive things about yourself. It’s your time to love yourself and you you feel you want to change your body weight change it we are here to support you as it’s going to be a TOUGH long journey. All the best❤️ 

Mac ook, just remember, whatever you do yo do it for yourself. I am a rather buff girl, muscles and all, maintaining a low number on the scale is really impossible. I went on a shake life style, lost so much weight that my body started feeding on my muscles. I fainted blah blah blah... And you no what? I was still never satisfied, I kept seeing this bigger built woman. So, my point is, you will become happy outside when you are happy on the inside. And that is another type of battle. Good luck to you. Love yourself for who you are 🌸