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One of my cousins just sent this—- love it.
April 2023
RECALL NOTICE
The Maker of all human beings (GOD) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units, code-named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been identified as "Sub-sequential Internal Non-morality," more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed. Some of the symptoms include:
• Loss of direction
• Foul vocal emissions
• Amnesia of origin
• Lack of peace and joy
• Selfish or violent behavior
• Depression or confusion
• Fearfulness
• Idolatry
• Rebellion
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this defect. The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required. The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.
Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
• Love
• Joy
• Peace
• Patience
• Kindness
• Goodness
• Faithfulness
• Gentleness
• Self-control
Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Best Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes. WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list, and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call P-R-A-Y-E-R and ask for Jesus.
Sincerely,
GOD
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1252 kcal
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Fat: 60.01g | Prot: 74.08g | Carbs: 107.60g.
Breakfast: Turkey pork breakfast sausage, Dave's Killer Bread Thin-Sliced Good Seed Organic Bread, Nopales, Heritage beans, Sarabeth's Orange Apricot Marmalade, Fried Egg, Aqua de Jamaica (hibiscus ice tea), Morning coffee. Lunch: Premier Nutrition Premier Protein 100% Whey Protein Powder - Vanilla, Milk (Nonfat), Premier Nutrition High Protein Shake - Vanilla, Nasoya Organic Firm Tofu, Blueberries (Unsweetened, Frozen), Daisy Low Fat 2% Small Curd Cottage Cheese, Tru-Nut Powdered Peanut Butter, Ranch Granola, Sweet Heart Milled Chia Seeds, Wheat Montana Milled Flax Seed, Kretschmar Wheat Germ, Manitoba Harvest Hemp Hearts Shelled Hemp Seeds, The Greek Gods Traditional Plain Greek Yogurt. Dinner: Organic Girl Baby Bok Choy, Eggplant Parmesan Casserole. more...
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1661 kcal
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Exercise:
Swimming (slow) - 20 minutes, Water Aerobics - 1 hour, Resting - 14 hours and 40 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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