lallie ehr's Journal, 23 May 21

@ Lallie - if it’s of any help ... when I was sobering up 15 years ago, my 12 step sponsor suggested that if I was serious about this, I’d maybe want to consider who I hung out with, and which places I went. There were some really great friends who sorta got my need to stay clean, but it wasn’t their main thing, and I had to make some hard choices. I made sobriety *my* number one thing. Simple choice, but not easy. Of course, it’s different for everyone 

If I can give some perspective from ‘the other side’ and I hope this is helpful and not hurtful. I find what is sometimes tricky about finding ‘what works for you’ is that enthusiasm spills over into trying to make other people be the same/fee the same/eat the same. And I mean this for everybody not just you. When something works for us we try to convince others why it is the way. I have seen that on this forum for example you are often trying to convince others to watch meat-free YouTube videos. And I understand why- because it has worked for you. But the same for me being a Keto eater- because it works for me I can’t try to convince others that this is the way. So sometimes I think the resistance/rude comments from others comes because it’s hard to figure out how to process when someone is telling you why what you are doing or eating etc is wrong. We need to be able to have the strength of conviction for ourself this is MY way and I don’t care who says what, I am happy with MY way and I can push on it it. I hope that comes across in a non judgemental way. 

@jedpes. I love plant based food. I feel like I'm inviting everyone to a party and nobody wants to come. Im deeply social and have fond memories if eating together with friends and family. I've since moved closer to my husband's family where butter and cheese is on the menu every day and i simply can't digest it. There is also deserts after every meal. It's terrible because to reject people's food is social suicide when your in a new country. I cant eat like this and I can't find anyone to eat with me. Human engineerd food is unnaturally addictive It's taken me so long to get free and I can't stand seeing everyone else around me making themselves sick. Im sure I'll find healthier meal buddies but lock down has killed that for now. I feel like I'm in a zombie apocalypse watching people kill themselves slowly. Super lonely. 

@taplyn thank you so much for your advice. It's hard. I know one person who also eats as ethically as he can. He's vegan but he will not reject food if he is invited. He is super sincere and full of love for people and animals. He's already quite old but is in brilliant health because if his food and lifestyle choices.this man is an angel but he is shunned by the community for being strange. There is nothing strange about him. He is like a breath of fresh air. Im starting to realise that when i finally start saying out loud why i try to eat as i do, I'll simply be cast aside like him. He has lost many friends because of his principles though he's never been rude to a single person. I think his lifestyle makes people feel uncomfortable about themselves. easier to hate him 

I can 100% relate, and have also found myself feeling like an outsider or outcast because how I live and what I eat is not aligned with the "norm". In social settings I usually plan ahead, check the menu online, call the restaurant and find out how they prepare the meal and if its vegan or not, but I won't refuse the invitation. Since going vegan there have been 2 occasions where the only option was chips and salad. Just a bit more effort on my part is always worth spending time with friends and family. For get togethers, I cook more than enough vegan options and find that those around me are often interested in this "strange" food, and will gladly try it, but I won't push them if not. The way I see it is, I made my decision to be more ethical in my life, which now reflects on my eating, nobody forced their beliefs on my, so it would not be fair of me to expect others to change just because I did. Those jokes being told about you are just defence mechanisms as you have most likely hit a nerve by opening the conversation topic. Don't let that deter you from educating those around you, with kindness and compassion. I wish we could share a meal, I would love to hear all about your transition and blue zone diet 🤗🌻🌼 

Big hugs to you Lallie❤. You can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends. People can be very cruel and inconsiderate. Maybe if you make it clear how you truly feel, then they'd make more effort to support you. If they truly care about you, they would be more sensitive and considerate🌸. Just remember, you're doing this for no one else, but for yourself and your health. And we (fat secret family) might not physically be there, but we're with you in heart and thoughts. We support you 100% and we're in it to win🌻. You've already come so far and started finding a better relationship with food, which was te main concern. Don't let other people slack you down or discourage you. You just do you and surround yourself with the people and things that makes your soul happy💌. It's time to think about YOU. We would happily virtually share your meals online😊So please post🍲.