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So while in Louisville about 6 weeks ago, I received a text from work that one of my employees was injured. Needless to say- she still isn't doing well and I am just now starting to get control of things at work. Went from tied with my lowest weight just prior to the trip to near nonexistent gym attendance, incredibly poor sleep, 60+ hour work weeks and shoveling in the food. As things have lessened and I am back to about 45 hours a week- I am struggling with how I ever was so committed to the gym and also fighting (and not winning) the urge to eat too many calories. How did I do so well before and wtf is wrong with me? Now I am eating because I am celebrating getting things back to normal. I just love to eat. And eating because of stress or especially after a stressful situation ends- are my favorite times. 🤢 Case and point (I had an abnormal psych instructor who used that phrase all the time- "case and point") I had a mammogram last year and of course they saw "something". 3rd year in a row they have seen "something" so I have to go back for a more in depth look at the big hospital where you cannot leave until your results are read. My mom had breast ca and so I sit there alone- waiting and my personality catastrophizes the situation whereby by the time I get the results- I have already been dead and buried and David is managing the kids alone and I am telling him what's in my 401K. I ate normally all day and then on the way home after the all clear- I think I consumed about 4000 calories. That is the story of my life. It is like a huge stress relief and then I want to eat. and I am so grossed out when fat people talk about their love of food and I think secretly it's because I am them. I had an obese friend who would use the phrase "I'm so starved" when she was hungry and it was disgusting because clearly she wasn't. And so I am at a crossroads. I can't picture ever being 190 or more again and god forbid over 200- I think I would die- and yet I know that if I continue to have way too much CI vs CO, that's what will happen. So here's to learning how to stop celebrating with food. Plan today- clean this filthy fucking house that has been neglected with the hubby and I working 12 hour shifts and barely seeing each other while raising two kids who love tik-tok videos and gaming and all things except helping around the house, hit the gym which is leaving me sore for days because I am out of practice- and hit my protein goals. And maybe find time to shop a bit. So May 1st. Here we go. 🏋🏻♂️🤸🏻♀️💪🏻💕
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1920 kcal
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Fat: 68.49g | Prot: 139.35g | Carbs: 178.69g.
Breakfast: American Heritage Cheddar Shredded Cheese, ConAgra Foods Egg Beaters, Butter (Salted), Sunbeam King Thin Enriched Bread, Coffee, Equate High Performance Protein Shake - Chocolate. Dinner: Butter (Salted), Cooked Broccoli (Fat Not Added in Cooking), Crystal Farms Jalapeno & Habanero Jack Cheese, Labriola Soft Pretzel Bites, Grandcestors Colorado Hash. Snacks/Other: Franz Frosted Animal Cookies, Dannon Light & Fit Greek Yogurt - Blueberry, Goetze's Original Caramel Creams, Roma Tomatoes, Frigo Light Mozzarella Cheese Stick, Great Value Saltine Crackers. more...
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2351 kcal
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Exercise:
Housework - 30 minutes, Weight Training (moderate) - 30 minutes, Resting - 15 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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21 to 40 of 64
 Comments
Also agree with c0bby 100%!!!
01 May 21 by member: jengetfit123
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🙏 I prayed for you DP. Setbacks suck. Thankful it’s not due to injury. I know you know what to do, and your post shows your cognizance. Set a daily reminder: “Be happy! Just do it!”
01 May 21 by member: TomLong
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you can only spread yourself so thin be kind to yourself !!!!
Life gets hard but it will not break you !!!! You are so strong and have a great support 🙂
01 May 21 by member: jnuko
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What Mermee said - stunning! 🔥
01 May 21 by member: LaughingChevre
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I love you guys! Thank you so much! I have read all the comments and so appreciate the support but I don't have time to respond separately. Just these comments are a great reminder of why I need FS, whether I want to admit it or not. Thanks, David- Love you, too. 😘
01 May 21 by member: davidsprincess
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Reposting this with fewer typos. My kittens climb on me when I post. I can relate to much of what you said about food and eating. I also personally recoil when I hear someone say "I'm starving" (especially when it's me). I am sure so many of us can. Just try to be kind and gentle with yourself. You have done amazing and sometimes life's stressors intervene. I know it is corny, but in your mind, treat yourself as you would a friend who has been going through some shit. Be encouraging. I wish you good luck, but you don't need it because you are a beast!
01 May 21 by member: jengetfit123
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Gurl love yourself so that your family can see it. Love your man so he can see it. Sing, dance, tell stupid jokes to yourself. Stop talking nasty to yourself on the inside when you eat. Find the middle of these LSC and 'dance' where you feel safe. I have a feeling that you would never down a friend in the way you have downed yourself - so be your own best friend -- Do for yourself exactly what you would tell your best-best gurl friend to do.
01 May 21 by member: JayeB1399
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Oh yes, can't forget to mention how gorgeous your new profile pic is. 😍😍😍
01 May 21 by member: _bec_ca
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I hope they get to feeling better
01 May 21 by member: morganstuart
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Yay! I can comment on your posts now! First off, I also want to say your pic is stunning!!! Then I just want to say you're def not alone in how you feel! I remember those 60 hour work weeks. What infuriated me most is my company saying you're in charge of your health and work life balance. Yet, we'd be handed our walking papers if we didn't work insane hours!!! After that kind of stress I had no energy to make dinner, and who cared about healthy. I'd just grab anything quick and stress eat too. I truly empathize! Its good you're still going to the gym. It will help with stress relief and at least you'll utilize more of those calories. I know it sucks when you feel everything is routine and there's no time for yourself. But at least being in the gym is something for yourself. It will get better. I also hope your mammogram comes out ok. I also know what its like to sit alone in that gown, waiting for results and thinking the worse. I'll keep you in my prayers. Hang in there! Things are temporary and do change.
01 May 21 by member: bearnoggin
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i echo what bearnoggin said - new pic is stunning. and also, glad to be able to post. what you wrote makes a lot of sense - and also you are very hard on yourself. new month, new way, new day new way ... plus you have diablo for help. i get it though - i want to drink or smoke or eat - name it - when i am stressed or when i get relief - Hopefully with your schedule lessening a bit you will be able to hit the gym more - and that will fuel you. you're doing great.
01 May 21 by member: br_e_co
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Love you , dear DP. We are human and stress is hard. Be kind to yourself - we know who you are and how hard you work. We all go through stages likes this - I have hit my goal weight twice and struggle to stay there, so I get it. You will regroup and will find the gym your celebration! In fact, recently when I m stressed I pick up a heavier dumbbell...LOL
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I remember these days... and I actually thrived on the hustle. I'd pushed myself to the max. Career, kids, friends, body builder, kickboxing for fun, happy-hours and dinner parties... Then I got sick. A virus attacked my heart and left me with heart damage. My entire life changed. I'm slowly rebuilding brick by brick. I'm solely focus on my health and nothing else. Get a massage. Paint your nails. Go for a walk. Have an orgasm. hee, hee. Anything to self-soothe in a healthy way. Mammograms suck, but you've got this Sister.
01 May 21 by member: SD_3
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Feel the need to say the mammo was last year's. Due again any day now and maybe I've learned a little better how to cope. BuhBang- I would say I thrive under pressure but not for long. I enjoy having deadlines to meet and feeling accomplished and proud. This was not that. This was too much and I didn't even have the satisfaction of crossing off my to do list because it wasn't done. My company backs me 100% and we have had to come up with different solutions together to get things done which they recognize is no fault of my own. Too much to go into. But I get what you mean. I don't have that busy personality or enjoy always being on the go like you but I do pride myself on my work. and I'm sorry for your heart trouble. That's too bad.
01 May 21 by member: davidsprincess
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Thanks everyone for the well wishes and compliments. That's a newer wig in the profile pic. Cute for pics but looks too "wiggy" close up. I do like that style on me though. May look for something similar and more high end in that style.
01 May 21 by member: davidsprincess
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First, that person you see when you look in the mirror deserves your love and respect, don't forget to give her that. Second, hire a good cleaning service, you deserve it, you are worth it and it will lower your stress level tremendously. There is something so great about walking into a clean house at the end of a busy day; I recommend at least once a week and twice would be even better. When I had children at home, I had someone come in three mornings a week, one of the BEST decisions I've ever made. I live alone in an apartment, am retired, and I still have someone come in every other week. I've been thinking about what made me so successful when I first joined FS, and what has changed. One thing I used to do was take a little time each day to read other people's posts; they inspired me, they consoled me and they helped me stay on track. I also tracked my meals faithfully and posted my weight every day. What are you doing differently from what you were doing earlier? We WILL NOT go back to where we were my friend; good luck on your journey. 💛💜💚
01 May 21 by member: shirfleur 1
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It's never too late to say today is the day and I'm going to get back on track and do this. You can do it.
01 May 21 by member: RN16
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Shir, that is all wisdom right there. ❤
01 May 21 by member: _bec_ca
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Have they ever discussed testing you for BRCA1 and BRCA2, genetic mutations inherited from first degree relative (your mom). Would knowing that you do or don’t carry these 2 genes or one of the several others, make you feel more anxious if it were positive. Some women truly just would rather not know and others think it helps lessen the stress either way. Do they do breast MRI in your area for women with a first degree relative with breast cancer?
It is hard to manage weight when you are used to compensating for foods eaten with exercise. The body just does not care about our issues. In the absence of lifting heavy, running miles and miles and all the other things people do, the only viable solution becomes to do what you can, when you can and control the intake. It is a mindset and you can do it.
01 May 21 by member: Kenna Morton
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Kenna, I asked my daughters to take the rest, 20 years ago, but they both said they rathet not. I was disappointed, but I understood their decision. One daughter said it was worry her too much if she knew. Thank you for sharing this information. ❤
01 May 21 by member: _bec_ca
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davidsprincess's Weight History
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