Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It's the fear that we're not good enough. - Brene Brown
I am ashamed of myself, I am embarassed to post here. Its been months, and as you can see, I let myself go. I am so mad at myself. I am mad that I know what to do, how to do it, and I have allowed myself to forget these things. I am mad that I havent logged my food in months, I am mad that I havent journaled and kept up with everyone here for months. I am mad that I made a promise to myself, my family, and you all that I would be strong and I would make this time work and I have failed miserably.
Here is the thing though, I can cry about it, whine about it, and let it take me back to 505lbs, or I can get off my @$$ and get to work. That is what I am choosing to do. I am going to get to work. I am picking my pathetic self up, off of the floor, covered in powedered donut and old french fries and I am saying "No more!! This is it! You do it, and you do it right." and I am starting over. I am working hard, and getting myself back on track. Is it harder this time around, you had better believe it! But I am goint to do it, because I need to. I need to for myself, for my family, and for those of you here who believed in me. When I was struggling, crying and hating myself, you believed in me. I owe it to you. So here I am, asking you to believe in me again. Believe that I can do it, and hold me accountable. My personal email address is Klynnstowell(at)gmail(dot)com. Email me there, if you dont see me for a couple days, ask me why I am not around. I almost want to post my phone number for you to call me and text the hell out of me and ask me where I am. Keep me accountable to myself, and to you.
On a brighter note, my puppy is 5 months old, and a rambunctious ball of annoying! We had a trainer, he was GREAT, but he had to move and (as you can see with my weight loss) if I am not held accountable, I let things slip. She lost some of the training we worked hard for, so I am starting from scratch. I am re-teching her to be a good girl. I love her to death, but she is a handful. I walk her around my complex and the roads by my apartment and she tugs and pulls and tries to run away. Its hard on me, but I am working on it. She just needs to learn how to walk better. I want to get to a weight where I can run with her, but at the rate Im going, she will be an old lady before I get there!! Ugg!!! I am so mad at me still!!
Today I pray for strength of mind and strength of body. I pray for persistence and help to keep on track and do what needs to be done. I pray that the Lord give us all a renewed hope and renewed joy in life. Pour out blessings and healing to those who need it. I praise the Lord for how far I have already come, and cry out for help getting even farther. I pray for the strength to stand bck up and face my obstacles head on, and overcome them. In all things, I give you glory and praise. In Jesus name, Amen!!
I hope you are all doing well, please let me know whats been going on in your lives. Feel free to email me, tell me about your life, your secrets to staying accountable, and the things you rely on most to keep you going throughout the day. I love you all, and wish you the absolute best!!
