Quote of the day from this morning's meditation session:
"If you can allow each moment it's own uniqueness, you will find a way through the forest."
I have a little space between drinking the rest of my coffee and stretch and roll to write a little. I so miss those days and it seems like years when I might just sit down for a spell and write to my this heart and mind's content. And, believe you me - hours rolled by quicker than clouds.
However, my days are full with different pleasures of the soul and I know a time will come when the universe will compel me to find some way to pour it all into the limiting structures of the written word.
One of the things I really wanted to write about at the "beginning" of the year were some of the perspectives that motivated me to stay committed and consistent in my pursuit of better health and well-being.
Actually, let me re-phrase that and say "BETTER WELL-BEING and health". Trust me, the second cannot happen until criteria is met on the first! And that one, that little "well being" thingy - she's a tougher teacher than any scale ever could be!
Of course, I didn't realize that when I first began and wanted to take a few pounds off so I could gain it all back again next season. Poor mind - it really didn't have a clue about the journey it was signing up for! And, it's a good thing because if it did I can tell you I would not have made this transformation and very likely would not have started to begin with. Hahaha!
I laugh, but it's 100% true.
No, the universe had my number from the get-go and knew exactly how this journey needed to play out in order for me to stick to it. How does my favorite spiritual teacher Ram Dass put it, "there are absolutely no errors in the game." Which, coincidentally is why I know every single one of you will inevitably succeed in your endeavors. You may not get to determine the timeline, the curriculum, or how it will all play out. But, you will succeed simply because you want too, and most importantly - when you're ready too :-)
Ahh, but where was I? hmmm
Perspectives that motivated me to stay committed. Actually, motivation is to trite a word and highly over-used and over estimated.
COMPELLED! Now, there's a word. Compelled is stronger than motivation. It's like a calling or intuitive pull creating a type of momentum towards something one can't deny even when the mind is screaming
"No, I don't want too!".
Compelled is a better word to use when it comes to how we want to transform both our minds and bodies. And, compelled is often associated with curiosity. Ya know, like what might actually happen if I didn't give up this time? What if I didn't let the insanity of life overwhelm me, or even in an overwhelmed state, continue to cling to new habits, and watch what happens? I already knew what my old habits served and they definitely helped me get through tough situations, albeit with a lot of anxiety, depression, and hangovers.
But, what might happen if I just kept going in spite of it all? That curiosity was very strong back in 2017 and definitely played a part in my commitment especially after the MS diagnosis and losing sensation in my lower extremities.
What did I have to lose? My mobility? Well, considering what a high risk prognosis I have for progression - wasn't I set to lose it anyway? So why not just keep going until I can't.
So, that's what I did.
However, before all that and back in the very beginning - it was this site that offered some precious jewels of wisdom. Some perspectives were put forth that hit at the heart of some of the hurdles that had been holding me back. And, the first one I give credit to is a post by an FS member who hopefully is living their best life by now who stated simply,
"I fell off the wagon again, and wow it's so true when they say it's a lot harder to get back on the wagon than it is to fall off."
I'm not sure why, but that comment in 2017 hit me so hard and threw my mind into a tail spin. But, that very premise alone helped to shape how I would collaborate with the insanity of life so I would not so easily fall off the wagon. And, a lot of that came from thoughts about "helping my future self out." Whether it was pre-tracking my food, food prep, or PLANNING for a maintenance day or week so that I never actually had an unplanned "cheat day" in the whole time I lost simply because I planned for it.
I also put in a list of minimums so when life threw everything but the kitchen sink....and then, promptly threw the kitchen sink - I had a list of minimal things I might do like, drink more water, get a 10 minute walk in, and/or write in my journal so that I could keep my pinky toe in the fountain of "well-being" while I managed the chaos and was able to return to my healthy habits when possible. And, it worked!
Oh, and celebrating non-scale victories (NSV's) was absolutely imperative. My weight loss was no more or less linear than anyone else's. Which, is to say my weight fluctuated daily just like everyone's does on this journey. I might be down 3 lbs one day, and up 2 the next. Non scale victories were a big part of what kept me on that wagon - the scale couldn't take those away :-)
The second mind blowing perspective came from a young woman talking about her past self or persona, I guess. And, referring to the fact that she no longer had the looks or the body that might have a crowd of people eating out of her hands when she walked into a room (mainly of the male persuasion). It seemed she wanted desperately to get back to being that "persona" and I actually had a lot of compassion for her.
And, not because I related to her. I think y'all know by now - that's just not the nature of my disposition. It wasn't my disposition 90 something pounds ago and it's not now. In fact, the quickest way to get me to leave a room is draw your attention to me. I'll be gone so fast - you can't even blink quick enough.
And, I'm okay with that too btw. I'm not even trying to change that! :-)
But, I saw readily from a buddhist perspective she was clinging to a past self - she wasn't in the present moment and thus could not readily see who and what she was now. And, love or hate what the present moment teaches us - the bottom line is we can't change or transform a damn thing about the present moment until we accept where we're at presently and get to know what we are now.
And, like her I was caught to. I kept wanting to get back to that girl who was a social worker in Philly, and maintained for 3 years around 162 lbs. It didn't matter that I was older, living in a completely different state, doing some totally different, and frankly had totally different preferences and aversions to that 30 something self. I wanted to be her again. And, when that young woman posted her perspective, it made me see how I was caught too. In a different way, but I was still clinging to my past.
And, I have to say when I really took the time to think about who I was presently. I mean not just the parts I didn't like but actually took stock of my likes, dislikes, newer habits, shifts and changes in current mindsets and philosophies. In short, when I really took the time to get to know myself again - the changes I wanted to make came readily because I was able to see with much more clarity what needed to be in place for me to lose the weight.
...setting boundaries with myself and others was a BIG ONE.
That was a juicy nugget that gal offered me and I'm truly thankful to her for it.
And, the last is something I covered at the beginning.
LOL - Look at me coming full circle. My spiritual teachers will be so proud!
Anyways, Curiosity was definitely a part of what inspired me to keep going and still does. Although, acceptance was a key part of feeding curiosity. And, what I mean by acceptance in this context is that I needed to accept that my well-being and health was going to have to be just as much a priority as brushing my teeth and changing my underwear. If I really wanted to see how far with health and fitness I might go - then I needed to teach myself there was nothing wrong with being diligent and aware about what I was putting into my body or how I was moving it any more than the diligence I put into keeping my teeth in good shape and not walking around in dirty underwear.
The last two have been daily habits for as long as I can claim to have a memory. The days of mindless eating was going to have go and that meant for the rest of my life. But, I did have faith that if I was able to make putting on clean underwear and teeth flossing and brushing a daily habit, it was possible to do it with food in a manner that helped my health and well being not hindered it.
Now, would the above diatrab be the hinging principles for everyone else starting their journey.
ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! LOL - No way my friends! Y'all have your own very beautiful unique moments, journeys, hearts, lessons and curriculum. What compels any person at any given point to continue further with anything in life is truly and genuinely their own and its absolutely meant to be that way. And, the longer I'm on this journey the more I really see the divine beauty in that...still, it's nice to look back once and a while and connect the dots :-)
