Transformation Tuesday -
From 2017 average of 210 lbs --> Present average of 113 lbs.
August of 2021 will mark the anniversary of this girls third year in weight maintenance.
What a loooong, strange trip it's been and hands down one of best journey's ever embarked upon.
For the record, I spent most of this life ranging between the weight of the first 2 pics with bouts here and there of weight loss.
I did manage to maintain intuitively between 162-168 lbs for 3 years during the late 30's. But, when menopause hit at 40 - one's "youthful intuition" about eating means absolutely nothing in the face of a middle aged metabolism.
The weight piled back on until I finally let go of delusions that the amount I was consuming provided the wiggle room it once had in my 20's and 30's.
Letting go of those delusions was the hardest part of this journey, because I had to face the fact that this body was no longer in what many refer to as the "prime" stage of its life. It forced me to take this form exactly where it was and transcend very slowly to where it needed to be.
In all frankness it can be said this journey forced this mind to let go of a lot of delusions about a LOT of things not just the perspective it had about metabolism.
Like the sense of entitlement I realized this ego had about food. Unlike brushing and flossing one's teeth, or tying shoelaces, or keeping up with good hygiene - This mind was genuinely conditioned to believe it "should" be entitled to eat everything it wanted, anytime it wanted, and without any consequence or consideration.
One can only imagine the tantrum this ego threw when it discovered this was not the case.
It wasn't an obvious sense of entitlement, either. {{The worst kind}}. But, it became very obvious when adopting the changes needed in order to have some semblance of success on this journey.
Like moderating wine intake, weighing, measuring, and logging food. And, of course exercising consistently with or without excuses.
I do grant this mind grace. It certainly can be stated that society and mainstream culture can stand to expand its approaches on how to teach and reinforce mindful approaches to the consumption of food in a healthy manner that is both good for one's over-all health and well being.
I learned how to tie shoelaces, shower, change underwear, brush and floss teeth as a young girl.
Weight maintenance and a healthy approach to the consumption of foods was not really impressed in this girl's formative years when healthy habits and moderation might have developed into a conditioned response. The "4 food groups" were discussed circa - 4th grade.
However, those lessons never included the importance of macros, CICO, or incorporating fun foods in any moderate and healthy way that might become a habit...like brushing or flossing teeth.
BTW - This girl's underwear is changed twice a day. Sweaty damp underwear after a workout is a no-go. There's just no way man...no way!!!
And, we'll just state as well, the whole brushing, mouthwash routine is not complete until every single one of these carnivorous mouth utensils has been thoroughly flossed each morning with that "minty" tasting waxy string!
...to that end, I keep about 5 extra tooth floss packets on hand :-)
And, I rarely give these routines a second thought so ingrained are they in this gal's lifestyle. I only become aware of them if I can't perform them.
I might get grossed out if I had to wear the same pair of underwear after a workout or unable to floss but, dang was I hesitant as hell at having to learn how to "Moderate" food consumption by weighing, measuring, and logging food in order to avoid being a candidate for heart disease, high blood pressure, and Type II diabetes.
The inner battle NOT illustrated in that journey below was fierce!
Acceptance has probably been this girl's saving grace since the beginning and still is...Sweet surrender and acceptance. I had to break myself before I could make myself.
And, just to make the challenge sweet - I had to chip away at these socially ingrained notions around health and food consumption with a tiny pick axe - not a sledge hammer. It's the only way a good habit can really pre-vail.
Learning to tie shoe laces didn't happen over-night. It took lots of practice and doing it so many times wrong and so many times right I don't even remember when it became automatic.
I had to accept that learning how to approach weight loss and weight maintenance was going to be like learning how to tie shoe laces and brush teeth all over again. Only, to make matters hard - I wasn't going to be working with a young, open mind that was ripe to learn and build new habits.
Oh, Lordy - I was gonna have to deal with this middle aged, self entitled conditioned mind, that had definitely grown set in its ways and had a difficult time focusing on ANYTHING!
And, to top that hardship off with a cherry - And, this is a doozy
I had to further accept these healthy habits were never going to feel entirely natural. I was past that age and neurological stage of development.
However, I did know it was possible to ensure I practiced these habits so diligently and often, it was going to feel unnatural if I didn't implement them into my day in some way, shape, or form. And, too that degree - this has been achieved. But, not enough to grow lazy or thoughtless about staying aware.
Like the feeling one gets when they forget to pack those extra supply of undies and toothbrush. I don't run around panicking and cancel the whole vacation. But, I know before the rest of the trip can commence, it's time to get to the nearest target and stock up.
Anyhow, when folks state this journey is 99% mindset and 1% consistency. "They" are not lying.
The greatest hurdles created and battles encountered were not one bit waged by this body. In fact, this body is amazing. It has its sh*t together and always has. It's done nothing but do everything possible to accommodate the whims, delusions, and notions of this mind and try to keep the whole system running on all four cylinders and all at the same time!
And, that's regardless of whether this mind was on board or not, and most of the time it wasn't!
I now give grace, love, and humble gratitude to this body every damn day for being so patient with me. It teaches and guides this mind all the time and even though this form and me have been with eachother since the beginning - I'm learning to love and appreciate its wisdom in a way I never knew possible...and every time I do, the more possibilities unfold.
Now, when I hop on that scale I always make sure to whisper to it "I love you, I choose you, thank you for everything you provide. I am definitely committed to your welfare for rich or for poor, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
But, the journey's not over, yet. It's definitely nice to inhabit a mind that is finally a LOT less unwilling than it once was to nurture habits that benefit this girl's over-all health well being. But, transformation and transcendence never really end...thank goodness.
What did Jack Kornfield once say?
"Much of spiritual life is about acceptance, maybe all of it"
Have a wonderful abundantly blessed Tuesday, everyone!
