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I guess I can understand a little how I got back up to 172+ in a year. I probably posted this entry before but it bares reminding me how far I have come. This past year has been extra stressful. More so than previous years. So much has happened, at one point I wasn't sure I would survive, mentally, physically, emotionally, or just my 'being'. BUT the phrase 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' was one that I use to 'smile' at...only now to understand what it truly means. Or at least what it means to me.
Past year+ been stressed with my elderly ill parents, being prime caregiver, other family members 'help' some but don't understand the true stress, physically & emotionally that it put on me. Been down on self and was almost resigned to go this path alone, no love life, money woes, owed more than I had, hours cut at work, more stress with job, found someone that wanted to be with me, developed a relationship, engaged, seemed things were going ok only to 'wake up' to me being 'taken' and used, at least was able to sell house but still owed more than I had, paying off that debt, still stress at work and less pay, still parent duty, became dis-engaged, stress to get HIS stuff out of my apartment and other place. HE moved to a different town, finally got HIS stuff out and out of my life. Still feel the PAIN but at least it was over before I LOST anymore. He owes me $$$ BUT it is just a price of learning not to TRUST anyone again. I am back alone, but I'm ok. Dad passed away in April after a very stressful week of hospitalization and no one understanding why I had to be at the hospital by his bedside everyday, BUT I don't care, they are not ME and I would do it all again for my dad. I miss him, wish I could have saved him, but in the end he saved me. Still have my mom (Alzheimers)and all the stress that goes with it. I still have family members that think it may be 'easier' for me now. BUT it is not. I am not really free, but I am now asking for more help. Still stressed at work, less pay, still paying on a debt, BUT I have decided to take care of ME now. I will do what it takes. I am more open with me and others, BUT I will not try to FIND someone to travel this journey with me, it is MINE and I really don't need another person in my life. I have friends I can count on if needed. I have my dog & cats, I have a job (still stress and less pay, but at least it is a job). I still paying on a debt but again. IT IS UNDER MY CONTROL. I don't have to deal with another persons debts, emotions, life. I just want to be ME. I will survive and I will be and I AM STRONG :-)
So I guess to wrap up, the past year+ I can use the excuse that stress contributed to weight gain (yes I can), eating out also (fast food, easier), eating processed foods (no idea even if 'clean' food it could contain hormones, pesticides, etc), drinking, getting 'older', etc. OK they may be excuses but now I am going to be more conscious in what I FUEL my body with. Be strong Be TRUE :-)my new motto :-)
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